• Home
  • Blog
  • Our Story of Restoration
BrinaLynn

BrinaLynn

Finding Hope & Joy in the Everyday Trenches

  • Marriage
    • Marriage Tips & Advice
    • Marriage Restoration
  • Money
    • Saving Money
    • Budgeting
    • Meals & Meal Planning
  • Motherhood
    • Large Family Living
    • Parenting
    • Organization
    • Holidays
      • Christmas
      • Thanksgiving
      • Halloween
  • Homeschool
  • Faith & Encouragement
You are here: Home / Large Family Living / Motherhood / Stop Letting “Just” and “Only” Define Who You Are

Stop Letting “Just” and “Only” Define Who You Are

Motherhood

10 shares
  • Share
  • Tweet

This post may contain affiliate links to products. As an affiliate, I earn money from qualifying purchases. Please read my full disclosure here.

Every time I turn the last corner in our local Kroger, I dread checkout. Yes, one because I’m about to spend a small fortune, but also because…ya’ll, those poor people having to check me out and bag my groceries. I know they roll their eyes when they see me coming. Somehow, more times than not, I land in the line of the female bagger. She always insists on taking my groceries to the car for me, and just before we exit the line, she tells the cashier that she’s running away with me.

I know her by name, and she asks questions and shares her own struggles from time to time. The first time she heard that I am a mom of 7 and quite obviously expecting again, her eyes–like most everyone’s–bulged out before she could stop them! She was very interested in the logistics and ages and all that stuff. And then as she loaded my groceries along side me, she said, “I don’t know how you do it. I have a hard time, and I just have one.”

It made my heart sink as she told me her story, but I saw the pride in her eyes as she told me about her son’s antics and bragged on how smart he is. I looked at her and said, “Don’t think that having “just” one kid is supposed to somehow be easy.” She’s a single mom, working full-time, and she goes to college. How can that possibly be considered “easy”?

The Comparison Game

It goes back to the comparison game. We look at one another’s best and compare what we know is our worst to it. It’s not fair to either woman.

[click_to_tweet tweet=”We look at one another’s best and compare what we know is our worst to it. ” quote=”We look at one another’s best and compare what we know is our worst to it. ” theme=”style2″]

In Kroger, I usually have my game on. I’m nice and somewhat poised–at least until the checkout line, where I’m then sweating circles under my arms! Even if I have kids with me, and they have gone completely nuts, I have my junk together…until we get to the car. My friend is seeing me holding it all together for that few minutes she’s with me.

>>Related: Who is the Titus 2 Woman? And Why Does She Matter?

I hear all the time…

“I only have two and they make me crazy! How do you do it?”

“I just homeschool my one. How do you teach six kids?”

“There are only four of us, and my grocery bill is outrageous!”

Stop limiting your experience!

The list of onlys and justs could go on forever. But we have to stop limiting our experience. The fact that you have two kids and I have 7 doesn’t make your life less hard. You may be dealing with other things that I have no idea about like chronic illness or an unsupportive husband.

I read a blog post not too long about about miscarriage and pregnancy loss. The author pointed out how we tend to say, “I had a miscarriage, too, but I was only 6 weeks.” Ladies, as if 6 weeks was nothing! It was a life, a baby already loved, and in its absence, a heartache that feels it will never go away.

When we give our experience limiting words like “just” or “only,” we minimize what we are going through, what the Lord has called us to.

Stop Letting Just & Only Define Who You Are

Stop Letting Just and Only Define You

Yes, I have 7 kids. We homeschool. Yes, I’m pregnant for the 10th time [to clarify: 1 adopted, 6 bios, 3 miscarriages, 32 weeks preggers now]. But, I’m anything but a great mom or good teacher sometimes. I get frustrated and do stupid stuff like throw hairspray cans down the hallway. That actually happened years ago when I “only” had two kids! See. I was just as crazy then as I am now! (Don’t worry, no kids or husband were in the line of fire!)

Our paths, our callings, our convictions are different. We have to stop comparing them. They really are never going to look the same. It’s wonderful to gain insight from other moms. Truthfully, without the inspiration of other moms from time to time, I’d be lost. However, the comparison and limiting views about our experiences need to go.

It’s like we use “just” and “only” apologetically or in a somewhat defeated manner. Instead, own it: “Wow! I have two kids, and I’m crazy. That woman with her 7 must be off the chain sometimes!” Guess what, that probably wouldn’t be too far from the truth! 😉  

Stop feeling less than or sorry that you don’t compare. Instead, embrace where the Lord has you now! And remember that what you see of me, or any other mom for that matter, in public is my best.

September 13, 2018 · 4 Comments

Previous Post: « 3 Lies About Your Calling & The Truth You Need
Next Post: What Fear Really Is & How to Combat it »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. shan walker says

    September 13, 2018 at 9:49 am

    Wow. You nailed it – we all do this in one way or another. Thanks for the pep talk. So encouraging, sister!

    Reply
  2. Stephanie says

    September 19, 2018 at 11:57 am

    Love this! It is all so true. How many times have I compared myself (“just” a single mom, “just” two kids) against others’ ives? And I lost 2 babies to miscarriage at 7 weeks each. I have often thought it must be harder for those much farther along. Thank you for seeing that my arms felt so empty, too.

    Reply
    • Brina Lynn says

      September 19, 2018 at 12:40 pm

      Thank you, Stephanie! You know, I would imagine that being farther along would make miscarriage much more difficult, but that doesn’t mean that losing a baby early on dismisses our right to hurt and grieve. I’ve walked that road, too. It is not an easy one. Blessings to you!

      Reply
  3. Cindy says

    September 19, 2018 at 12:11 pm

    Amen! I have never liked it when we use the word “just” but had not thought about the word “only.” Thanks for pointing that out! I used to hear “I am just a secretary” or “I am just a cashier” … those are important jobs! There is no “just” in either of them!

    Great post, Brina. I would love to pin it but having trouble with that as the Pin button isn’t appearing and when I clicked on your PIn share button, it couldn’t find any images!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Hey, ya'll! I'm BrinaLynn, wife to my high school sweetheart, homeschooling mom to 8, coffee drinker, and friend of the written word.  My desire is it to encourage you [and me] as we find ourselves in life's trenches--and to somehow find joy there!

Read more

Looking for something?



  • Home
  • About
  • Contact

Footer

Helpful Links

  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms and Conditions

Looking for Something?

Bible Verse of the Day

But he said, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
Luke 18:27

Copyright © 2023 · anchored theme by Restored 316

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept All”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent.
Cookie SettingsAccept All
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT