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Alone in the Dark
The deep, dark night…. It seems to drag on and on. And on. You are stuck there, trying desperately to just make it through to the morning. You know that joy most certainly comes with the morning, just as the sun rises. Yet, you are stuck there. Tossing and turning. Wakeful, seldom dozing. Thoughts tumbling one over the other, battling for space in your mind. Your mind races, and your head spins. And you cannot make it stop. The night I’m talking about is the one that is pitch black, so dark that the darkness feels oppressive and overwhelming. And you can hardly see your hand in front of your face.
Can you relate?
Have you been in that literal place? Of course you have!
Yet, how many more times have you experienced the deep, dark night right in the light of day? You know what I mean.
Infertility. Desperate to hold your dream. And month after month, nothing. It’s a deep, dark night that drags on and on.
Unfaithfulness. You never thought you would be in this place, a place where you aren’t your hubby’s number one. The darkness overtakes.
Pregnancy loss. You finally have the yes you so desired, only for it to slip away, and all you want to do is hide away to pass the dark night.
Death. You never thought you’d be doing this parenting thing alone, yet, that’s where you find yourself. Or laying your child in the ground. That was never supposed to happen.
Fire. All your memories–gone. How on earth can you start over? Can you even move past the horrific images you constantly see?
Sickness. Your child, who is supposed to have is whole life in front of him, has face more in his few years than you ever want anyone to have to face. And it lasts…forever. Or you, who are young–in your prime–facing a disease you prayed you never would.
We all face our dark nights. There’s nothing at all enjoyable about them; we feel lost, alone, consumed, and overwhelmed. Day after day after day.
A place of peace
Girls, this is my heart. The night sucks. You feel so helpless, so hopeless, and sometimes you want it to just be over. I’ve been in that place, my friend. And that is exactly why I am here. I want you to know that there is solace for your soul, and a place of peace you can go.
When I found out my husband was addicted to porn, I wanted to at the very least run away, but what I wanted–at times–was to just die. I hurt so bad that I just didn’t feel like the night would ever end, but in that dark night, I found a place…. A place that I love to now go. It is a place that draws me back again and again. A place that soothed my soul like nothing else could.
Solace in the Psalms
I started reading them every day, at least one chapter a day. Unless you’ve been in such darkness, you can’t imagine what an amazing time that was for me! I began to see something about God that I had never seen. He allows us to hurt, yes, but He also allows us to tell Him that we hurt. And He listens; He comforts. Again and again, David cried out to God, yet when all was said and done, God loved and comforted dear David.
Needing a visual, I began making scripture images for those Psalms that spoke so loudly to my soul. If you don’t have YouVersion Bible app, get it. I’ve been able to go back again and again and read through those verses.
Spending time with Jesus and searching and seeking solace in the Psalms has been a place of peace for me! I hope it can be for you, too, friend. We are going to face dark times, endless nights, but not alone. God never said we had to do it alone. He’s there, ever offering peace and solace, and He only can bring you through the deep, dark night.
This is so beautiful! I’m so glad the psalms are there for us to cling to. When we don’t know what to pray, we can turn to them and let them become our words.
Thank you, Beka! Yes, and to know that even David didn’t know what to pray and felt so overwhelmed sometimes he’d rather die.
While I cannot imagine the depth of pain that some women go through, I do know that God is there, with you, all the time. I left an abusive marriage and have healed and moved on to a new marriage and the assurance of God’s love that I so desperately needed was shown to me over and over again. And now…I love to teach others what the Word of God can do for them.
Thank you for sharing your story and especially how the Psalms reached you when you needed them.
Cindy, without the Word, I have no idea what our lives would look like now. I am so thankful that God speaks to us in His Word!