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Is porn the same as adulty?
First, let’s answer the question: Is porn the same as adultery? Jesus said to lust after a woman is to commit adultery in your heart. (Matthew 5:28). Therefore, according to God’s Word, yes, it is the same. If that’s true, then, we can answer the next question: does it destroy marriages? Yes, it does. And you, nor I, am a big old-fashioned baby when we hurt from the pain of its effects.
Related: Is Pornography Cheating | Why You Feel Like It Is
Our society would say it’s normal–it’s what guys do. What’s wrong with a little bit of pornography to spice up the marriage or to help men (or women) let off steam? The problem is that when we bring a third party into our marriages, whether an actual person or a video, we break down the sacredness of the marriage bed. No longer are we one flesh, and no longer do we seek satisfaction in one another, but we find it elsewhere. It really is the beginning of a terrible end unless God intervenes and restores.
Am I stuck in a marriage where porn is a third party?
Because he broke his wedding vows, committed adultery in his heart, and withheld truth from you, does that give you permission to leave? In a word, yes, but just a minute. The goal should always be repentance, forgiveness, and healing.
The Bible is very clear about divorce and how it’s only tolerated in certain circumstances, one of which is unfaithfulness. Let’s take a look:
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. ~ Matthew 5:31-32 (ESV)
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” ~ Matthew 19:9 (ESV)
However, it does not require divorce. Just as the Bible is clear on when one may be divorced, it is also clear about seeking reconciliation and restoration.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ~ Matthew 18:15 (ESV)
The goal is and should always be reconciliation and restoration. What we fail to realize sometimes is that it takes time, often lots of time, working through hurts, and struggling to break free from bad habits and addictions.
Related: What Does Restoration Look Like in Your Marriage?
Pornography has no place in a godly marriage or any marriage for that matter. The place for pornography is the trash because that’s all it is. It seeks to destroy men and women, their self-worth, and their marriages.
If you are in a marriage that is being torn apart by pornography, seek help for you and your spouse. Reach out to us — we are glad to help!
Helpful resources:
- The Marriage Restoration Roadmap — a program for couples committed to restoring their marriages.
- Covenant Eyes — internet filtering and accountability and resources for addicts and spouses alike.
- Blazing Grace — a community of support for both men and women struggling and their spouses.
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